Written by Liza Moore
I put pen to paper to try to capture my experiences and encounters with You. I do it to remind myself that Your love won't taper.
But my problem is that it seems like the struggles and pain won't taper either. It seems to be a cycle of
Torn, abandoned, frayed, battered, worn,
Recycling to more
Worry, pain, fear, anger, strain.
As personal fear, failure and weariness piles up, So do the number of people I know dying of cancer, heart attacks and suicide.
In the overwhelming desolation, in the desert lacking a drip of water, it seems like You want me to decide.
Will it be me, who easily ignoring the truth, relies on all I can do, without You? Or will it be you who knows me better than I know myself?
Will It be me, fearful of what others think, a control freak? Or will it be you, alpha and omega, forever my help?
My question in this decision, of course, becomes what will I gain? While choosing myself may earn me fame or a good name, I know in the end I can never win in that game.
You set this game aside. No, you flip it over, tilt and upheave it. You say if I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. (2 Cor 11:30)
Boast in my weakness? That means showing my cracks, being proud of the holes, the mess and the hardened ugliness.
How can that be? I often get distracted with what I want for me. You offer us wisdom, joy, patience, kindness and peace. (Gal 5:23) Those things seem fleeting, temporary and phony.
The bare truth of the matter is the only thing you offer is You.
While I spat on You, taunted You and nailed You to a tree,
You willingly died to give Life to me.
While I ignore You, deny You and refuse to trust,
You loved me enough to die. Who am I, but dust?
So its You I choose. Everything else in this life I can lose, but not your constant presence.
Yes, you say we can pray in your name and get what we want (John 14:14), but You are also my shepherd and I shall not want.
These verses may seem to contradict when in reality they perfectly click. When we follow you deeply, putting aside our selfishness, You are all we want. You are enough. That doesn't mean that life becomes peachy, that there are no trials. But through every trial we must choose to focus on You.
You who renews and subdues my worried mind that is mired.
You who gives strength and healing when my Halleluyah's tired.
Lord every hour, every minute remind me that in You,
I must trust.
Because you love me and know me, even though
I am just dust.